
“I never get to be Wine Weeder!”, Bebe complained one day, on the way home from preschool. My first thought was, you probably will be when you grow up, it runs in the family. But after a few questions, I understood what she wanted to be was the all-important Line Leader.
I’m the Wine Weeder. My Dad was the Whiskey Weeder. The family tradition is that the cocktail hour is conducted in the garden, on hands and knees, not because of over-imbibing, but because pulling weeds while sipping is so relaxing and satisfying. You haven’t lived ‘til you’ve seen a bunch of preppies in plaid plants, drinking G+Ts, crawling around the perennials.
When my Mom noticed we were running low on glassware in the house, she would tour the yard, collecting stray glasses from various flower beds, flinging drowned slugs from the dregs.
I highly recommend wine weeding. It’s a chore and its own reward in one. The garden is at its prettiest in the early evening. It’s peaceful and cool. The children won’t interrupt for fear of being enlisted to help.
Note to gardening moms; a game of Alien Invaders can keep a small weeder focused. The desirable plants are the natives, the weeds are Alien Invaders. Use laser gun sound effects with each alien destroyed. Lots more fun than straight weeding, same goal accomplished.
Certain beverages lend or emphatically do not lend themselves to specific garden tasks. Pruning and Zombies don’t mix; digits could be severed. Beer should be saved until hoeing is done, else lettuces may be decapitated. No alcohol should ever be involved with trimming raspberry canes. Irish coffee and leaf raking, however are a match made in heaven; a caffeine buzz boosts your raking energy and the whiskey intensifies the autumn color and the crisp sound of the leaves. And wine weeding is ideal; late warm spring afternoons with the taste of Picpoule de Pinet mingling with the wafting purple scent if the lilacs, makes total annihilation of all invasives seems less urgent than simply plucking a few dandelions from the creeping jenny.
There is, in fact a perfect beverage for each garden task. For example:
Harvesting pumpkins - armangac
Transplanting basil seedlings - negroni (campari, gin and vermouth)
Mowing lawn - lemonade
Edging beds - Red Bull
Deadheading annuals - mint julep
Planting vegetable seeds - V8
Step stone resetting - ice coffee
Snow shoveling - hot cocoa
Pinching back chrysanthemums - kir
Hosing off aphids - Pelligrino
Planting herbs - May wine (white wine steeped with sweet woodruff)
Gathering roses - mimosa
See? You try one. Maybe you are a Wine Weeder.






